dance no more.

so after a long time of thinking, unfortunately ive decided to give up being a dancer. it took a while, and i realised i just couldnt do it anymore. dont get me wrong, i love it so much, just yeah.
so last night were my two dance concerts for the last time. i did it knowing it was my last, even though i hadnt even told them yet. which i cant even do, i just dont want to explain myself.
after my second and last concert ended, i was so sad :s to know i wont ever be backstage and performing with the lights again, id just be in the audience. i spoke to one of my friends who also gave up dancing for similar reasons, and she seems alright, so i think ill be okay after a while.
but yeah, i had work today, i finished and went home, found a big box and started taking out all my costumes from 2008 until last night. i was holding each one and looking at them, remembering the memories i had in them, the people i met, the things i learnt, the judges i faced. it suddenly gave me a feeling i had when i gave up gymnastics. its heart breaking. putting all of them in the box one by one, tears actually rolled down my face, which i thought would never happen, to know that something that meant to much to me, is being put away in a box. whats part of me is put in a box, locked away from me. i know i can always open that box up again, but never in the same way or for the same reasons.